loving supportive grandmother

Happy Mother’s Day to all mom’s

always showing her affection

This is the last of the firsts for me.  That may not make sense to some, but to anyone who has had a significant loss will understand that following the loss of that person means facing each first occasion without them.  Subsequent occasions don’t necessarily mean that you bounce back to normal but the firsts are just so empty.  Funny that the last of my firsts without my mom would be Mother’s Day.  I have been dreading this for two weeks now.  I have sat in front of this computer all week ready to write something but have not been able to.  I guess it’s fear, fear of facing the day without her.  People have said to me that I have my children but it is different.  To me Mother’s Day was about honoring my mom!  I never really thought about the mom I am because I always had her, and BELIEVE me she is a mom to be honored.  

mom and dad-soulmates

So this morning I sat again in front of this screen and could not work up the courage to write anything.  What the heck could I be afraid of?  falling apart? breaking down and crying? I know, no matter what I would bounce back. I would bounce back because of what my mom has instilled in me.  That is why I have beena ble to endure all pains and obstacles.  It is the product of two wonderful parents!

I thought I might mention some of the beautiful memories I have of my mom.  One of the most enjoyable things I keep in my heart is just sitting there with her in the morning at a table.  Any table! It wouldn’t matter where.  It could be my house, her house, on vacation………she would sit with her crossword puzzle and her glasses on.  Cup of coffee in front of her, not saying a word.  She really hated to be interrupted in the morning when she was doing her crossword puzzles.  But the energy and the silence was so special.  She was so intent and had such a beautiful way about her.  But after that puzzle was done! Forget it! You could talk to her for hours.  It never mattered what the topic was.  She would listen and then give such kind, wise and insightful advice, she NEVER judged and I mean NEVER! Then the most fun times were each time I had delivered one of the girls (and she did the same for my sisters), my mom would pack up her car and head to my house.  It was so wonderful having her around.  The joke was she would also clean your stove! There was rumor that Micki had just one more kid to have that experience of a shiny stove !  Joking of course!  My love of baking came from my mom, I can’t tell you how many joyful hours were spent baking and cooking with her! Then when my life really got challenging my mom was there every step of the way for me.  She would give me just enough advice so that she kept me going without interfering.  That is a true talent! But she was able to always keep me on the right road….you know the road less traveled!

lunch with some of the PICU team at Yale.

So today, when my eyes opened at 5am.  I initially didn’t want to get out of bed!  But I thought about what I preach and I decided to Take my Lane!  I knew what I had to do to take it.  I had to face the fear and challenge myself.  To get motivated I ran two miles then I did some yoga!  That gave me enough energy to think about the day. Then I decided I would pay tribute to my mom by doing something kind.  I would bring lunch to the mom’s that work in the ICU at Yale.  Alex has spent time there, my mom was a nurse and my cousin Jackie is working there today. So here it is at 9:30 and I am good.  I made some food, I put brownies in the over and yes, I am missing my mom.  And I will cry today, I know it!  I will miss her terribly today because she is just so special to me!

 Please enjoy your day all you mom’s.  And kiss and hug your mom’s today all you people who are lucky enough to have them with you.  If you have lost your mom, spend the day thinking of them and remembering the good times!  Reach within and take on one of the best attributes your mom had and make it part of you! 

In Peace and Love

Always

Mary